Jake's First Birthday (IG16-style!)
by Invisiblegirl16
Summary: A parodied version of the Rugrats episode "Tommy's First Birthday". Hey, you wanna' know what's better than cake on your birthday? Dog food.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Tommy Pickles: Jake Long (The American Dragon)_

_Chuckie Finster: Arthur "Spud" Spudinski (The American Dragon)_

_Phil Deville: Danny Fenton/Phantom (Danny Phantom)_

_Lil Deville: Danielle Fenton/Phantom (Danny Phantom)_

_Angelica Pickles: Princess Morbucks (The Powerpuff Girls)_

_Didi Pickles: Susan Long (The American Dragon)_

_Stu Pickles: Jonathan Long (The American Dragon)_

_Drew Pickles: Eli Pandarus (The American Dragon) _

_Charlotte Pickles: Penelope Spectra (Danny Phantom)_

_Betty Deville: Maddie Fenton (Danny Phantom)_

_Howard Deville: Jack Fenton (Danny Phantom)_

_Chaz Finster: Professor Hans Rotwood (The American Dragon) _

_Lou Pickles: Phil (Hey Arnold)_

_Boris Kropotkin: Lao Shi (The American Dragon)_

_Minka Kropotkin: Lynne Hasagawa (Lilo &amp; Stitch)_

_Spike: Cujo (Danny Phantom)_

* * *

**Loa Shi and Mrs. Hasagawa had seemed to hit it off in the ADJL/Lilo &amp; Stitch crossover, so there's that. And her first name really is Lynne, apparently. Oh, yeah, and now Clockwork from DP is a baby expert (you'll find out what I'm talking about in the next chapter).**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

"_Good morning, champ."_

Jake opened his eyes to see his parents peering down at him, Jonathan placing a thin banner across the length of his crib. _HAPPY BIRTHDAY _was spelt out on it (though to Jake, it just looked like a bunch of weird yellow squiggles).

"Happy birthday, Jake," they said in unison before Jonathan blew on a purple and yellow-spotted party horn and Susan rained confetti.

The dark-haired boy merely stared up at them, blinking.

"You're a whole year old today," Susan cooed.

"And boy have we got some great presents for ya," Jonathan added.

Jake giggled as his mom picked him up and kissed him. Setting him on the changing table, as she got to work changing his diaper, Jonathan continued, talking to his wife, "Wait'll he sees my present, Susan. Did I tell you about the Hover-rama prototype?"

"Uh-huh, you did, Jonathan."

"Picture this, Susan – the body's thirty-six inches long and about four feet in diameter and – yikes!" he exclaimed upon seeing the contents of Jake's diaper.

"Just put it in the pail, Jonathan, and hand me a fresh diaper."

Jonathan cringed as he disposed of the dirty diaper. "Anyway," he continued as Susan replaced the diaper with a clean one and he helped her get Jake's overalls on. "The Hover-rama's got three hundred pounds of lift and cruises at more than five miles an hour. " As he keeps talking, he completely overlooks the fact that Jake's got a hold of one of Susan's earrings and is constantly tugging it ("Let go of mommy's earring, Jake.") "It's got three reverse thrusters and two on the back to turn the thing. It takes three D batteries, two double-As, a C, and one of those nine-volt guys."

Susan began to head out of the room, all the while trying to detach her son from her earring as her husband remained oblivious. "And that's not even including the remote control."

"Mommy's ear's not a toy, honey," she exclaimed as she entered the kitchen with Jonathan following behind.

"This toy is destined for big things. It's my greatest invention yet. I tell ya, Susan, it's gonna' put Long's Toys on the map," he gushed, finally pulling Jake away from Susan.

"Okay," she replied sharply before turning to the bookshelf. Her eyes looked over the titles before she found the one she was searching for. "Let's see what the book says."

She pulled out a brown book and began flipping through the pages. "Eating technic: age twelve months."

Jonathan was just pouring a jar of baby food into a small bowl for Jake – who was now seated in his highchair – when Susan approached. "Jonathan, we're supposed to distract Jake with a little play-acting. We pretend that this spoon" – she handed him a spoon shaped like a rocket ship – "is actually . . ."

"A space shuttle?" he finished questioningly, gazing at the spoon.

"Clockwork knows best, Jonathan. Now, let's try it," she turned to her son, speaking in a sugary, baby tone. "Okay, Jake, open the pod bay door."

When Jake clamped his mouth shut, she murmured to her husband – who had the spoon, "A little to the left, Jonathan."

He complied.

"Jonathan, let's do the birthday check list."

He multitasked, grabbing a blue clipboard from the kitchen table with his free hand – the spoon still gripped firmly in his other one. "Okay, shoot."

"Um, carrot brand cake with health nuggets."

"Check."

"Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey."

"Safety version with suction cups – check."

Jake gasped, eyes widening as he spotted his the pocket on his dad's shirt. He reached up and took the marker that was inside. "The puppet show?"

"Oh, yeah, puppeteers, stage, props, and puppets arrive at eleven."

"Perfect," she replied. The two kissed, unaware of their son's new toy, which he was proceeding to nibble on.

"A puppet show for one-year-olds?" Grandpa Phil asked from behind them as he stood on a ladder, decorating for the party. "The little sprouts aren't even going to remember it."

"They'll remember this one, pop," Susan replied, picking up a magazine and showing it to him. "Rated number one by Birthday's Magazine."

"And besides," Jonathan added. "Do we wanna' be remembered as the family that settled for less?"

His wife turned just in time to see Jake reaching for the spoon that his dad was holding out, but not paying attention to. "Look out, Jonathan, or you'll get strained carrots all over your shirt."

Jonathan gasped, just barely evading Jake's grasp and pulling back. "This isn't working. . . . Wait, I've got an idea."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small toy duck. It produced a _'squeak' _as he squeezed it, resulting in Susan shaking her head. "Oh, I don't know, Jonathan. All my books recommend avoiding decoys."

"Trust me, Susan. You gotta' let 'em know whose boss," he replied, unaware of Jake placing the marker back into his shirt pocket. "Look over here, Jake."

As he "flew" the duck over to the side, Jake giggled, following the duck's movement, but then was distracted by the mini-TV that was on one of the high shelves. It showed a dog food commercial with a small white dog running toward a house and jumping against the front door. He got down, backing away as his owner open it. "Husky's Choice," he said, placing down the dog bowl on the floor as the dog came in. "He'll run faster and jump higher."

He winked, holding up a can of dog food. "So good, you'll almost wish _you _were a dog."

Jake's eyes drifted from the jumping white dog to his own abnormally-green one, who was chowing down on some dog food of his own, and his jaw dropped.

"Here's your chance," Susan told Jonathan, noticing Jake's attention was elsewhere. "Lunge."

As Jonathan made an attempt to stick the spoon into the one-year-olds mouth, Jake hit the spoon, sending the orange substance splattering against Jonathan's shirt. "Oh, no – my favorite shirt!"

He rushed away with Susan following after. "Oh, dear."

"I paid seventy-five dollars for this shirt. It's a Giorgio Larentie."

"I know, honey."

Jake reached under the tray of his highchair for the screwdriver that was taped to the bottom.

"It's irreplaceable."

"Oh, for the love of Betsy, it's just a shirt!" Phil exclaimed.

Jake undid the tray with the screwdriver and slipped out of the highchair and onto the tiled floor.

"You think the stain'll come out?"

"Oh, I bet it will if we just add it quickly enough and just get a sponge . . ."

As Cujo wandered over to Jake's highchair, staring up with hunger and abandoning his food, Jake crawled toward the bowl.

"Hurry, Susan, hurry – every moment counts!"

The bowl, piled high with chunks of meat, was just in his reach when, suddenly, he became airborne, the ground leaving his feet. He gasped.

"Just a minute there, scout," Phil said, grasping the boy. "You don't want any of that. Eee-Yucko." He brought him back to his highchair and peered down at the bowl of strained carrots. "What you want is some of the . . ." he trailed off, realizing how unappetizing the entree appeared. "I see your point."

"Mmm . . ." Jake stared back at the dog food.

The doorbell buzzed. Susan, who was sponging off Jonathan's tie, let go and made her way toward the front door. "I'll get it."

Jonathan peered down at his shirt.

After briefly checking her appearance in the mirror by the door, she opened it. "Hi, Jack. Hi, Maddie. How are you?" she asked as the redheaded woman made her way passed. "Well."

"Swell, Sus," Maddie swatted her on the back. "We are totally psyched for this birthday thing, aren't we, Jack?"

"Well, Maddie . . ." Jack began, but was cut off by his wife.

"Oh, don't mind Jack, Sus – he's just a little frazzed on account of all these kids."

"Actually . . ."

"I mean, the twins are enough of an armload and today we got little Spudster. Hey, think you could just pen these pups?"

* * *

"Puppet shows for one-year-olds," Phil was still ranted, back on the ladder, hanging up decorations, while Jake sat on the floor, staring up at him. "Why, when I was a spud, we didn't have puppet shows. If we wanted entertainment, we went out back and pulled up stumps. Then we'd walk fifteen miles in the snow to . . ."

"Hey there, old-timer. How the heck are ya?" Maddie asked, swatting him on the back when he came down from the ladder, taking him by surprise. He hadn't noticed when she, Jack, and Susan came in – Susan picking up Jake.

"I've _felt _better," he replied in annoyance, hands on hips.

Suddenly, the sound of drilling and tinkering filled the house and Maddie glanced around. "Is somebody excavating downstairs or what?"

"That would be Jonathan, tinkering with his hovawhatsit down there in his workshop," Phil answered, walking passed her.

"The hova-what?" she asked in confusion.

"Don't worry," he said, putting up a small _Happy Birthday _banner that was somewhat similar to the one that hung across Jake's crib. "You'll hear _all_ about it."

Downstairs in the basement, Jonathan was indeed working on the Hover-rama, smiling all the while. "Jake's gonna' love this."

* * *

In the playpen, the kids were wandering around – Spud falling in the process of heading after a ball. "Frisky little critters, aren't they?" Maddie commented as she, Susan, and Jack watched.

Outside, they could see Cujo through the sliding glass door, swinging around a teddy bear. "Uh-oh," she said. "Looks like Cujo's gonna' tear that things leg off."

"Oh, no!" Susan exclaimed. "Cujo – Cujo! Down boy!"

Jake watched as the adults made a hasty exit. His friends look up to before huddling together. "Spud, Danny, Dani – I got just one word to say to you."

"What?" Danny and Dani asked in unison as they and Spud leaned in closer.

"Dog food."

"Dog food?" the twins asked, sharing a look.

"Dog food," Jake repeated, kicking at the floor, which resulted in him falling to the floor. "I tried to get some from Cujo's bowl, but grandpa stopped me."

"Why would you wanna' eat _that _stuff?" Spud asked, picking up the ball he had been chasing after earlier and kicking it.

Jake shrugged as the ball hit the floor and the twins went after it. "Well, Cujo eats it. Look at him," he pointed toward the sliding glass door.

They watched as Cujo rolled around in a flowerbed and Jake continued, "He can do anything he wants. He even gets to sleep in the flowers." Jake walked closer to the door. "Maybe if _we _ate that dog food, _we'll _turn into dogs." He pressed his hands and face against the glass.

Outside, Phil was trying to shoo Cujo away. "Shoo, shoo! Get out of those flowers!"

"You mean _we_ could sleep in the flowers?" Dani asked, hands against the glass.

Cujo happily jumped on Phil and began licking his face. "Down, boy – stop! Stop it, Cujo!" he exclaimed, trying to push the dog off. "Get off of me, you big galute!"

"And lick people?" Danny asked, his hands also pressed against the glass.

Cujo wandered away from Phil.

"And wear a collar with our names on it?" Dani asked.

The green dog began to scratch.

"I don't know," Spud said, pulling away from the door. "Maybe it's not such a good idea." He itched his back as his friends turned to him. "Dogs don't have it so good. They always get flees and junk."

"Flees?" the twins looked at each other. Then at Jake. "Let's do it."

Just as the four were heading to where the playpen unlocked, with Jake in the lead, Maddie and Susan showed up, making them come to an abrupt halt. The babies went back to playing as Susan bent to place a cone-shaped hat on Jake's head. "Oh, I almost forgot to put on their little party hats."

"Those will stay on for, oh, three minutes, tops," Maddie commented as the twins began messing around with each other's.

Susan took a picture of the kids, the flash causing them to rub their eyes afterwards. Another flash later and Maddie asked, "Hey, isn't it time to bust the piñata?"

"Let's wait till _all _the kids get here."

Sure enough, just as Maddie predicted, the babies took their hats off and watched as the women began to head into the kitchen with Maddie asking, "Oh, who's missing?"

"Jake's cousin, Princess."

"Oh, right. Princess."

"Princess?" the babies chorused, eyes widening in horror.

* * *

In a car heading right for the Long residence sat the redhead in question herself. "When we get to the party, daddy, can I play with little Jake?"

"Sure, sweetie," Eli replied, sitting behind the wheel. "Aunt Susan's baking a birthday cake, and there's gonna' be a puppet show. Uncle Jonathan said it's the best one in the whole world."

Just as Princess was reaching for the wrapped box that was Jake's gift, Eli stepped on the brakes, causing her to jerk back. "Well, here we are," he said, looking back at her.

She smiled in return, but still glanced at the present.

* * *

In the basement, Jonathan was finishing up wrapping his newest invention, humming to himself. One of his other inventions (a talking, square-shaped head) sprung out cuckoo-bird style, warning, "Doorbell. Doorbell. Doorbell."

Jonathan pushed away from the table, the stool carrying him across the room toward something of a monitoring system. He pulled a lever and pressed a few buttons. A screen sprung to life, revealing his brother and niece on the front porch. "Great. Eli's here," he said, leaning back, feet on the control panel.

* * *

Eli pulled back a little when the video camera/mini-TV got into his face, present tucked under his arm. "Hey, big bro," Jonathan waved. "Hi, Princess."

She smiled sweetly, hands clasped, and batted her eyelashes.

"Where are ya, Jonathan?" Eli asked.

"I'm down in the workshop, finishing up Jake's birthday present. Wait just a second, I'll be right up."

The screen darkened and not even a minute later, Jonathan was opening the door. He kneeled down to give Princess a kiss on the cheek. She giggled in response as she and her dad followed her uncle inside.

"So, what're you working on this time?"

Princess wandered away from them, heading toward the playpen.

"I'm glad you asked me that question, Eli. One word: Hova-rama."

"Hova-what?"

"It's a toy I invented for Jake. It's got, I'm not kidding, three reverse fan thrusters," he said, picking up Princess and placing her in the crib. "All moded vertical and then three in the back to turn the thing."

The babies backed away from the redhead.

"Come on downstairs and I'll show ya," Jonathan said, arm around his brother's shoulders as he led him away. "I'm just now wrapping it up."

Susan passed by them, heading in the opposite direction, with a party hat in hand. She placed it on Princess' head and took a picture. The toddler blinked, then grabbed Jake with one hand and Spud with the other, putting her arms around them, squishing them in the process. She grinned as Susan took another picture before walking away.

"Um . . . hi, Princess," Jake greeted. "Say, do you know anything about . . . dog food?"

She released her grip on the boys, making them stagger back, then turned on her cousin. "Listen up, dummy," she grabbed the straps of his overalls, pulling him to his toes. "This may be your birthday, but when the presents are opened, I get first dibs on the toys." She thought back on his previous question for a moment, then asked, "What about dog food?"

"Jake thinks if you eat some, maybe you turn into a dog," Spud explained from his spot on the ground.

"You mean I could wear a collar with spikes on it?" she asked, still having a hold on Jake's overall straps.

"And chase cats," Danny said.

"And howl at the moon," Dani added.

"Could I even bite the mailman?"

The two nodded.

She let go of Jake. "Let's do it."

Jake fell to his hands and knees, smiling. "Yeah, let's get some dog food."

* * *

The three babies and Princess watched as Jake drew out a plan.

On the other side of the playpen, Cujo had wandered over to the white cake and sat down, staring up at it hungrily.

"_That _is one hefty hunk of health food," Maddie said from inside the kitchen as she stared at it through the archway.

"Puppets, puppets, puppets – where _are_ those puppets?" Susan fretted.

"Stay cool, Su."

Neither adult was aware of Jake, who had climbed out of the playpen, as he peered in at them.

"Maddie, my future as a mother depends on this party and the party depends on the puppet show and the puppeteers were supposed to be here – what, thirteen, no – _fourteen _minutes ago."

Her rambling was cut off by the buzzing of the doorbell.

"Maybe that's them now," Maddie said.

Jake watched, out of his mother's sight, as Susan went for the door. "Oh . . ." she opened it, but it was just her parents. "Hi, mom. Hi, dad."

"And where is Jake, may I ask?" Lynne questioned, disappearing around the corner, not waiting for an answer.

* * *

Said one-year-old was back to crawling his way to Cujo's bowl, but once again his plan was foiled as he was whisked away by an elderly adult. "There he is," Lynne said, both grandparents kissing him and cooing over him.

"Hi, Lao Shi. Hi, Lynne," Jonathan said as he entered the kitchen, Jake's gift in his arms. "Great. Everyone's here. Let's open the hover – er, let's open the presence."

Jake stared forlornly at the bowl as he was carried away.

* * *

In the living room, the adults were gathered and the babies, plus Princess, were herded in. The coffee table was piled with presents.

Lynne placed Jake down beside his mother, who smiled and reached for the present Eli brought. "Let's see . . . this one's from Eli," she set it in front of Jake. He stared at it as she tore the wrapping paper down, then smiled when a toy fire truck was revealed.

"Gee, Eli, do you really think this will stimulate a small kid's imagination?" Jonathan criticized. "I mean, what does it do? Where are the batteries?"

Danny and Dani ran over, each grabbing an end of the fire truck. They stared at each other then began playing tug-of-war with it, each wanting the toy for themselves. That didn't last long, however, as Princess walked over and snatched the toy away from them. They gasped as she walked away, smug.

Jonathan cleared his throat as he stood up from the armchair. "Here, Jake. Here's a present from your old dad," he got on his knees beside the coffee table. "Watch this, Eli."

He tore the wrapping paper away, showing the UFO-shaped object beneath. The adults stared. "What is that thing?" Lao Shi was the one to ask.

"This is the Hova-rama," Jonathan replied.

"Jonathan, are you off your nut?" Phil asked in disbelief. "Jake's not old enough for that gizmo. Heck, _I'm _not even old enough for it."

"Anyone can work this thing, pop. Here, let me show ya," he pulled out the controller for the Hova-rama, but when he tried pushing on the small lever, nothing happened. He lightly hit it on the side and tried again, but got the same results. He stared at the controller than turned it around and flipped open the battery compartment. Empty. "Oh – heh, I guess I forgot the batteries."

He felt around. "Now where'd I put those . . .?"

"Aye, yai, yai, yai, yai," Lao Shi said, him and Lynne shaking their heads at their son-in-law. They both stood and headed out of the room.

"Ah, Jonathan," Susan said. "I'm sure once you get it running, the hovawhatsit will be Jake's favorite toy." She rubbed Jake's head as Jonathan put his face in his hands.

Spud reached up for the controller that was now sitting on the arm of the chair and walked away with it as Susan reached for another present. "Uh, say, wh-why don't we open Jack's present?"

She undid the ribbon that was wrapped around the box. "Ooh," Jake cooed as his mom finished unwrapping it.

Jack joined them, picking the box up. "It's a two-way cellular baby-talkie," he explained. "You put this one in the baby's bedroom and you take this one around with you, so you can hear if the baby cries or something."

"Yeah, I've heard about those things," Jonathan said, joining the group.

"Only this one employs the latest technology. You can even talk back to the baby – hands free," Jack added.

"Wow," Eli exclaimed, reaching for one of the baby-talkies. "Can I see it?" He placed the speaker part to his mouth. "Squadron Leader, this is Concrete Cowboy, do you copy, over."

"That's a big ten-four, Cowboy," Phil replied over the other baby-talkie. "I copy you loud and clear. Say, this is kind of nifty."

"Listen," Jonathan said. "Let's take them out back and see what these things can really do."

"And here's a nice feature, these units are voice-activated, have a built-in loudness control, and come with four random channels," Jack continued on as he followed after them.

Susan and Maddie glanced at each other, then at the kids. Spud and Princess were fighting over the fire truck and Danny and Dani were playing with a ribbon, giggling.

"Where's Jake?" Susan asked, looking around.

* * *

The birthday boy had made his way back to the kitchen during all the ooh-ing and awe-ing over the baby-talkies. This time he wasn't even all the inside of it when he was picked up by his mom and carried back to the living room.

"You still have all these wonderful presents to open," she said, setting him down.

He looked from the presents to the kitchen, where Cujo's bowl was in sight. He sat down, tears beginning to run down his face. He began wailing loudly, his friends and cousin staring at him. Susan picked him up and patted him on the back, trying to comfort him. "This party's a disaster," she told Maddie as she began to pace back-and-forth with Jake in her arms.

"Ah, I wouldn't say that, Sus. I've never seen those men so happy," she briefly glanced over her shoulder.

"But I'll never live up to being the kind of mother I want to be," Susan replied fretfully. "You know, like those moms on TV."

"Come on, Susan," Maddie said. "TV's TV. We're real."

The doorbell buzzed and Susan gasped, holding Jake at arm's length. "The puppeteers."

Jake stopped crying and stared at her. She put him down and went to answer the door.

"This the Long's residence?" a man in a tan uniform asked, clipboard in hand.

"Are you the puppeteers?" Susan asked.

"Do I look like one, lady?" he asked. "Put it in the living room, Leo."

"Well, if you're not the puppeteers, where are they?" she asked as two other men began carrying the puppet show prop stage into the house.

"Envoy says stage and puppets. I don't see nothin' about puppeteers."

"But what good is a stage and puppets without puppeteers?" she asked right as Jonathan joined them, baby-talkie in hand.

"Sign here, Mac," he said, referring to Jonathan, who did so. He lifted the brim of his hat. "Have a nice day."

After shutting the door, Susan turned to her husband. _"Now, that's a big ten-four there, Saddle,"_ Phil's voice came from the baby-talkie.

She snatched it away from Jonathan and talked into it. "All men report to base immediately."

"Geez, Sus, that's not the right lingo at all," Jonathan said.

"Jonathan, we're in big trouble."

"What – we're out of batteries?" he asked.

"No, apparently we booked the stage and puppets, but not the puppeteers," she replied as the others joined them.

"Good, let's just get right down to eating cake," Phil said, turning and walking away, a grin on his face.

"Say, I got an idea," Jonathan said. "Why don't Eli and I do the show?"

"Oh, no – not this investment banker," Eli immediately replied, shaking his hands in a 'no-way' gesture.

"Remember what happened the last time you boys put on a show?" Phil asked.

"Ah, heck, pop – my arm healed," Jonathan said, bending his elbow. "And Eli sees almost perfectly out of that eye. Besides, we were eight or nine-years-old then." He nudged Eli. "Come on, bro, we can do fairytale finales."

"Well . . ."

"Great. Everyone to the living room."

Everyone crowded in. Susan sat with Jake in her lap and the other kids were on the floor. Princess scooted next to Dani, purposely pushing her aside – which she promptly pushed Danny by accident.

Jonathan threw the curtains of the screen back and displayed a jester's head on a stick, its arms spread wide and a teeth-baring grin on its face. Jonathan cleared his throat and spoke in a high-pitched voice, "We now present for your entertainment, the climactic scene from the classic, _Little Red Riding Hood_."

The jester was pulled out of view.

"Knock, knock . . ."

A wolf puppet emerged, wearing an orange hat and nightgown, Eli speaking for it in a deep voice. "Who's there?"

"It is me, Little Red Riding Hood."

"Uh, um . . . come in."

Jonathan's puppet came in from the right. A blonde girl wearing a red cloak and pink dress, a basket on her arm. "Grandma, what big eyes you have."

"Why, thank you," the wolf replied.

"Grandma, what big ears you have."

"Yes, they're for hearing."

"No, no – it's 'the better to hear you with, my dear'," Jonathan said, his voice going from high-pitched back to normal as his puppet still moved.

"No, it isn't," Eli argued.

"Of course it is."

"I beg to differ."

Little Red Riding Hood whacked the wolf on the nose with her picnic basket. "Don't get uppity with me, okay?" her/his hands were on her/his hips (or lack thereof).

Maddie and Susan shared a look.

"Uppity? You're calling _me _uppity?"

"Yeah, cause you _are_ uppity. You were uppity the last time we did this, too. At least _then_, you knew your lines."

"Hey, I didn't want to do this in the first place. It was _your _idea."

Jake glanced at his mom and when it was evident she wasn't paying attention to him, he crawled off of her lap and onto the floor.

"Oh, yeah right – you always blame everything on _me_."

His friends noticed and he held up a finger and made his way back to the kitchen.

"That's because you've always been a whiny little brat."

"Whiny little brat?"

"Yeah, always breaking my stuff and running to dad like a crybaby the minute I try to stop you."

_Finally_ Jake was back in the kitchen and heading for the bowl. As he did, Cujo was heading out the door and got stopped by the other babies.

"Jake?" Spud asked, staring at Cujo.

"It works," Danny exclaimed. "He's a dog already."

Cujo stared at them.

"What's it like being a dog, Jake?" Spud asked.

"Are you gonna' chase some cats?" Danny inquired.

"And poop all over the backyard?" Dani added.

"The mailman's coming soon," Princess said. "Are you gonna' bite him?"

Cujo licked Dani's face. She giggled. "Stop that, Jake," she said, wiping the slobber from her cheek.

"Wait! Jake!" Princess yelled as Cujo turned and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"We wanna' be dogs, too," Danny said as they followed after him.

"Jake," Spud said upon spotting the 'human' Jake. "You changed back."

"Changed back from what?" Jake asked, sitting in front of the bowl.

"A dog."

"Nope. I never was a dog," he shook his head. "Cujo already eat all the dog food."

"But I wanted to sleep in the flowers," Dani cried.

"And I wanted to bite the mailman," Princess grumbled.

Jake shrugged, glancing up for a moment. Then his eyes widened as he spotted something. "Look up there," he pointed to a high shelf where a can of dog food sat.

* * *

Meanwhile, the adults were still watching puppet-show-gone-wrong.

"Those were my baseball cards – mine," Little Red Riding Hood exclaimed. "And you traded them to Whidy for that stupid hat."

"Yeah, I traded them and I'd trade them again," the wolf countered. "If you wanted them so bad, you shouldn't have left them in my room."

"That's enough out of both of you," the lumber jack appeared, Phil doing the talking as he kneeled on the other side of the stage. His puppet hit the other two. "Break it up or I'll can both your hides."

* * *

"How 'bout now?!" Spud called up.

On the counter was an upside-down pot and on the pot was Princess with Jake on her head.

"Still can't reach it!" Jake called back down, just barely close to grasping the can.

"What'd ya weigh now? Twenty-five pounds?" Princess griped, holding up her cousin's feet. "I can't go any higher!"

"Wait," Spud said, pulling out the remote to the Hova-rama. He reached into his, pulled out two batteries, and placed them inside the remote. Then turned the controller on.

* * *

"That was _my _bike! I earned it with _my _paper route!" Jonathan shouted, the argument still going strong.

None of the adults noticed as the Hova-rama began to move.

"It was still useable! I only bent the handlebars a little and that was on account of what _you _did to _my _skateboard!"

"Skateboard?! Skateboard?!"

"Okay," Susan said, trying to intervene. "Let's agree to disagree. Jonathan, you shouldn't have wrecked Eli's skateboard. Eli, you shouldn't have bent Jonathan's handlebars."

"What's the matter with you, Susan?" Lao Shi asked. "Let the boys argue."

* * *

Spud glanced over his shoulder as the Hova-rama made its way in. He then directed it up.

"Push it forward, Spud," Jake called.

Spud stuck his tongue out as he focused on moving the Hova-rama.

"Little to the left!"

It was close, the antenna-like end brushing against the can. "Little more! Just a little more!"

Danny looked at Spud. "He said _more_, Spud!" he exclaimed, making a grab for the remote. His hand wrapped around the lever, jerked it down.

The Hova-rama dipped away from the shelf and the antenna caught into Jake's overall straps. He yelled in surprised as he struggled. Princess screamed as she tried to balance on the pot with the extra weight suddenly off of her. Right as she nearly fell from the counter, she grabbed Jake's ankles.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed.

The three down below watched with gaping expressions and wide eyes. Then the dog food can fell, landing on the Hova-rama. Spud looked down at the controller that was back in his possession and began moving the lever again, causing the Hova-rama to jerk back with Jake and Princess.

"Now look what you've done," Dani glared, grabbing the controller. "Let me fix it."

She pushed the lever forward and off the Hova-rama went. Princess let go of Jake's ankles and plummeted into a bag of flour, causing a cloud of white to puff up. She was completely covered in it.

Jake continued to holler as Dani's driving had him everywhere. His foot hit the ice machine built into the fridge, causing it to go off, spilling ice everywhere.

Spud snagged the remote back. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm gonna' bring him in over water."

As Jake passed by the sink, he grabbed onto the sprayer and water spewed from it. His hands slipped away and it whipped all over the place, getting everything in its range wet.

"We better try another pass," Spud said with Dani and Danny only crossing their arms and staring at him, not at all impressed.

Cans and cups were knocked off of the counter and the dishes were knocked off of the table. The mixer went off, spraying left over cake batter.

The Hova-rama finally came to a stop, but still spun in the air. Jake dangled, one single plate still in his grasp.

"I think you better try lower this time," Dani said.

"No, higher," Danny said.

"Lower."

"Higher!"

"Please," Spud interrupted them. "I'm trying to concentrate."

Jake yelped as the Hova-rama took off again, heading right for the door. "Door, door!"

Danny and Dani rushed toward it and opened it just in the nick of time.

* * *

"Now, you Jonathan," Susan said to the Little Red Riding Hood puppet. "Don't hold back."

The puppet sniffed. "Doggy Bowwow was my favorite stuffed toy. W-why'd you have to go and . . . tear his ears off," Jonathan's voice broke. The adults still remained oblivious to the Hova-rama – plus Jake – as it whizzed on by.

"It was wrong, Jonathan," Eli said, sounding about as choked up as his brother. "I was only four. Can you ever forgive me?"

Cujo, who had still been staring up at the cake, rushed to Jake's aid as the antenna snapped off. He caught the one-year-old on his back and the Hova-rama was sent crashing right into the birthday cake.

_That _finally got the adults' attention.

"Oh, no – my cake!" Susan exclaimed, rushing toward it. "The party's ruined, my perfect carrot cake is destroyed, and the puppet show is a total disaster."

"Actually, I thought it was a very spirited performance," Jack commented from the couch. Until Maddie and Susan turned to glare at him and he pulled back. "Just kidding . . ."

Jake climbed off of Cujo's back and toddled over to his mom, laughing. She smiled, kneeling down to pick him up.

"Great party, hon," Jonathan complimented. "Too bad about the cake though." He glanced over then had to do a double-take when he realized what was planted in it. He headed over and pulled it free. As he did, white frosting got all over his clothes. "Oh, no! My other favorite shirt!"

Lao Shi stuck a finger in the cake and tasted it. "What kind cake is this?"

Lynne did the same.

"It should've been chocolate," he continued. "In old country, you never have carrot cake at the birthday party."

"This isn't the old country. Haven't you noticed, Mr. Chocolate Cake?" she asked, hands on hips.

"For your information, chocolate cake is international," he argued.

"Puh, suddenly he's Mr. International."

As Phil walked passed, he felt something hit his shoe and glanced down. Bending, he picked up the can of dog food. He looked from the can to Cujo. As he opened the can with a pocket knife, Susan joined her bickering parents. "Dad, you're right. We should've had a chocolate cake. Mom, you're right. It's none of his business."

Phil poured the food onto a plate and set it on the ground. Cujo sniffed at it then circled around before walking off, nose raise in the air.

The kids were quick to surround it. At the same time, they all grabbed a handful of the dog food and shoved it into their mouths. They chewed for a while, then simultaneously made faces and began spitting it out.

"You know, I kind of like it," Danny admitted to his twin.

"When's this stuff start working anyway?" Princess demanded, hands on hips.

"Maybe it takes a while," Spud suggested.

"Wait a minute," Jake said. "I feel somethin'. Arf, arf, arf."

Princess got into the act too and began barking and growling. "Arf! Arf!"

"Hey, I think I got some flees," Dani said, itching.

"Me, too," Danny itched as well.

"I can't wait to grow some fur," Spud said, on his hands and knees.

As Spud stayed in the middle, getting up on his knees and howling. The babies and Princess circled him, all crawling on all fours and barking.

Phil, Jonathan, and Susan had been watching Lao Shi and Lynne arguing, but when Jonathan noticed the kids, he tapped Susan on the shoulder. His wife and dad turned to see the kids' antics and smiled. Soon, Lao Shi and Lynne ceased their bickering as well.

Susan handed Phil the camera. The elderly man took a picture of the adults gathered behind the babies, ruined cake and all.

It was just another picture that went into the photo album that was filled with pics of Jake's first birthday – the messy kitchen included.


End file.
